Almost one full week since I graduated from college. I’m still getting the “Congrats Jill, I’m so proud of you” text and random cards full of money, so that’s hype.However, for some reason I feel so unprepared. I feel optimistic, perplexed, scared and confused all at the same time. It has only been a few days since I walked across the stage so I keep telling my self “Honayy relaq, it be ok.”
Since graduation my life has kicked into OVERDRIVE. I’m starting to think God is playing a trick on me. Filling my plate with unwanted situations that stress me out every time I think about them. I have so much going on right now…currently…. in my brain, that I can’t even focus on reading this really great book by Shonda Rhimes called Year of Yes.
If you’ve read this book you have done a great service to yourself and I’m only 159-pages in. If you haven’t read her book, GET IT TOGETHER!
Anyway, back to my post-graduate flux I’m having. I can’t seem to understand why I can’t relax. I feel like I’m constantly on pins and needles– more like knives, and I have to do something five minutes ago.
I am almost certain that it’s because my brain hasn’t wired down from the five and a half years of absolute procrastination. I legit have a bad habit of waiting until the last-minute to do things. So in the moment, a situation is sprung upon me and I have a short amount of time to execute it, I completely freak out!
For example, two days after graduation, I received an email from the registra’s office, telling me I have to move out of my apartment by July 5th. Immediately, I call my mom to really cry, but I don’t. I tell her I have to move out and I need help sorting out my life right now.
The only reason the situation is so bad is because, I’m going to Vegas on Monday. How hype is that! Vegas! WHoooooo! EGH EGH! Thanks to my bestfriend. She always has my back and is there to pick up the pieces when I can’t function enough to bend over and get them myself. She is taking me to Vegas.
Go bestfriend, That’s my bestfriend!
But yes, I’m going to Vegas the same day I should be turning in keys and saying good-bye to my roommates. So of course the little me in my head is running around like a chicken with her head cut off ready to jump off Sprau Tower!
Not only that, I come back from Vegas and I have to drive back to Kalamazoo to live with bestfriend until it’s time for us to move into a two bedroom. Then Monday July 11th at 9am, I will be walking into Artprize as a wide eye and bushy-tailed intern.
Come on God, I need a break! Life is moving too fast for my brain to keep up. I still don’t understand why I feel so overwhelmed. Reading through this checking for spelling and some grammar mistakes, it sounds like I know my issue and I have a solution, at this point I should be going with the flow.
I’ll admit, I am sad about moving out my place. I’ve been homeless and house hoping before. Sleeping on a friends couch is not fun regardless of any situation. Even if it’s because you were drunk and fell asleep, being homeless is not whats up. In my head, I had at least two months to plan and execute getting an apartment. My plan was full proof, but I guess this is another test of my faith!
So I try to suppress this overwhelming feeling with prayer. Pastor Glenn of Revolution Church in Grand Rapids preached on this, suppressing fear with faith. The moment fear tries to crawl up on you, pray and ask God for strength. Have faith in the power of God, knowing that this too, shall pass. God has gotten me through everything, including college.
I’m sure this isn’t the time he’d leave me to do this on my own. I just have to trust Him! Trust God and lean not to my own understanding.
I know this post is a bit of a ramble. However, if you go to the About page, you’ll see a statement saying “I’m using this blog as a platform to get things out my head…” and that you’d find out what I meant soon enough. This entire post is what that is!
Don’t forget to connect. Remember to Love yourself and Love your Journey.