Ever have those days, you wake up, check your phone, crawl out of bed, then mummy walk to the bathroom.
You have your moment, and as you’re washing your hands–you have that staring contest with yourself in the mirror. I’m not so sure guys do this but I can’t be the only girl who has this moment.
During the staring contest, a million thoughts run through your mind all at once.
But for me this time was different. For the past 2 years I’ve been transitioning into a more active/healthy lifestyle. I workout everyday, I’m particular about what I eat and drink, because I want to live as long as my vessel can hold all this soul.
Since I want it to run for a long time, I have to take care of it physically and mentally. So I describe to you the day I found my self-love. Like the thin line between conceited and humble self-love. I looked in the mirror this day and I felt different. I felt free, almost reborn, in a sense that it felt euphoric.
I just stared, admiring all my beauty and flaws and loving them both equally. Self-love is so important! The way you love yourself is how people around you will love you too. A few weeks prior to this, I wrote in my journal about how, I felt confused and sorry for myself.
But “I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop, frozen dead from a bough, without every having felt sorry for itself.” A little motivation from D.H Lawrence.
I was battling with my self-worth for a while. I always wanted to be the cool girl to hang with, but was still cute enough to be liked. So I would put up with some behavior that was detrimental to my self-esteem. The type of guys that seemed to end up in my iMessage thread, were all assholes. The want my cake and eat it too type of assholes. I was super over that, so cut everybody OFF! If you weren’t trying to help me move forward, I was done with your company.
So, I had been in the gym, reading encouraging quotes, focusing on homework and other school related projects. I was in the zone and I loved it. This had gone on for weeks.
This was the best thing I had ever done for myself. Refocusing my attention back to the most important person in the world. Told you starting over is ok.
Oh you didn’t know? You should stop reading and start from post numero Uno.
Then come back. 🙂
But yes, I hit reset on my priorities and a shift occurred. I hadn’t noticed until the night before graduation. I was so proud of me for sticking to my goal, the mission. Love you and focus on you and God will have everything fall into place. I felt like I passed a level of Call of Duty after the fifty kabillionth try.
Yes I said what I said.
But seriously, I encourage every woman to look and find herself and hold on to her. She is amazing, powerful and blessed beyond measure. I encourage you to take that moment, standing in the mirror half asleep to recognize, you are no longer where you used to be.
And if you feel like life is hard you keep staring boo! Motivate yourself, believe that you can handle what ever life thinks you can’t. You can and you will conquer it. I promise.
I feel like people are ashamed of trying more than once. We aren’t to patient with ourselves. We try to overcompensate, so nobody can think we’re less than what we are. We have to stop that. Be teachable! Be YOU!
You can learn the smallest life lesson if you just sit down and notice a few things. Sit by a fire pit for instance, learn from the flames. Consider the pros and cons of fire being fire.
Fire is strong. Fire is invasive and bold. Fire is untouchable. However, fire is also unruly and dangerous. But fire is only untouchable until water comes around. Water is kryptonite to the flames you’re watching. Some of us are living wildfires. But if you sit down and notice something other than your life, it’s like dumping a helicopter full of water on it.
Calming the fire, taming it. This is how I found my self-love. I was ripping and running and I never took a moment to sit and read a book. It was always, I have to be at work, I have to type this paper, I have to go to the gym……wait I have to pee. It was always something. I was so stressed out you could tell in my face, my skin was different. I was two seconds from a complete meltdown.
The moment I cracked, was the moment I made my decision. No one else is taking my free time, no one! I’m not coming over, I’m not riding with you–nothing. DO NOT CALL ME!
I’m focusing on me and the life I want to live. Not wanting to be the bad guy is deep and won’t get anyone anywhere. So remember, things could be worst. Take that moment and look at yourself in the window you’re walking past too. It’s nothing wrong with it.
I hope this helps someone out there. Ladies we are rising to a new occasion and we need to be ready for it. To walk in all of our glory! To not be threatened about BEING A WOMAN. Love yourself, and if other thinks that’s conceited, oh well! Nobody is going to love you like you love you!
So remember to LOVE you and LOVE your journey.