Self-doubt has been trying to creep back in my life and I’m not having it. This is only the result of comparing myself to other people or to my past expectations.
Grant it, I know that I’ve accomplished so many things in my life and just recently, with graduation. However, the expectations I had as my 19, 20-year-old self, I’m nowhere near where I thought of being.
Most of you don’t know where that is.
I am very ambitious. I am working for a glamourous lifestyle. No, not Beyoncé status, more grungy… sort of like this.
Living in a place like that, requires me to pay at least $1,800 per month. Considering my actual dream location is Houston. After doing some research, living in Downtown Houston you need to make $65-75,000 annually. Since it’s just me, that’s a pretty dope salary. Even with all my school debt. With proper budgeting I would be comfy and maintaining. Investing in my business and generating clients for Framepointe.
But I never pictured the grind process to get to that. Seriously, who wants to think about the struggles they may face, while trying to make it to that pretty picture we see in our heads.
However, just yesterday I accepted where I am in my life right now. Although I’m uncomfortable I know something amazing is coming for me. Just in my last post, I was sharing my two new opportunities. All because I’ve been exposing myself, as a growing woman and a new writer.
I starting praying and just thanking God for everything he has done for me thus far, and everything his planned for me. I am content, because I understand that I was focusing on my end result back then. I have faith that God has something set up in this path, that is going to be such a blessing.
I’m being patient with myself and my journey. I realized when I’m impatient about something I’m usually doubting it to happen. For instance back in college, waiting on loans to process was like wait on the lottery numbers to drop and you just pray it’s yours.
I used to stress about getting loans. I needed them so bad, otherwise college was not going to happen for me. My IOU with Sallie Mae is deep.
During those waiting periods it would be so much doubt in my heart. I was always teetoring on faith and doubt. I was beating myself up about it. Judging myself about not having better grades, so I could qualify for scholarships. Always needing money from my parents. So I started working, and working hard. To the point I didn’t go home for holidays, because I’m a manager and I’m required to be at work 4 or 5 days out the week for 8 hours in addition to class.
I was working to always be broke, but that was where I was supposed to be during that time.
Now is so different, I’m focused and I’m making the best of my situation right now. Living in my Bestfriends living room writing for you all. Driving 300-miles a week to get some In-House PR experience. I’m ok with that.
2-years ago I didn’t have a car and I could barely afford my rent. So where I am, allows me to focus on my professional training and growth. Placing people in my life who are able to support me when I need it. Just overall blessings! I’m so grateful and proud of getting through my moments of depression and confusion. I look in the mirror everyday and smile because I gone through it all and I have grown through it all.
Life is like a box of chocolate. You’ll never know what you’re going to get. It’s important to experience the results of your choice, you’ll either learn from it or love it.
Remember to always LOVE you and LOVE your journey.